A recent sampling of the blatant, mind-numbing waste that can be "scientific" studies:
From LiveScience.com: Ants use an internal pedometer to find their way home without getting sidetracked, a new study reports. (Same-day headline in the National Enquirer: Man Communicates With Ants!)
From AP: In a new study of college students ... readers who zoned out most tended to do the worst on tests of reading comprehension. (No, you're not zoned out. You actually just read what you thought you read.)
From LiveScience.com: A new study finds people aren't sleeping as much as they report in other studies. (A subsequent study found that the previous study that claimed prior studies were full of crap was actually only slightly less full of crap.)
From USA Today: Fat people are not more jolly, according to a study. (After an exhaustive search, I have come to the conclusion that this is the first instance of the word "jolly" being used since 1972. Seriously. If someone asks me if I'm "jolly," my first instinct is to move as far away from that person as is possible. Like to a different zip code. And on the "no shit" scale, if I'm obese, my reply probably would be to the tune of "Am I jolly? Let's see, I could be wearing two different shoes right now, and I wouldn't know it. I have five chins. The act of urinating requires only slightly less guesswork than picking lottery numbers. A call to Fire/Rescue is usually a prerequisite to my getting out of bed. Lunch at McDonald's costs $157.50 ... but at least afterward, I can go outside and watch them change the number on the sign. Jolly? Hell no, I'm not jolly!")
(Imported from December 2, 2005)
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